the facts behind my cold sore (pt.1)

1. Victoria Minneapola gave me Lerpes
(Lip herpes) while necking and sexing–i’m not sure where,
maybe Stew and Heather’s, 2002.

2. Before I learned of the miracle of Lysine,
I would permit my cold sore to erupt, which,
when IN FULL BLOOM, looked and felt like a
small outboard motor had ripped a hole in my face.

3. The sore would typically last for almost a month!
An entire month with a giant, pus-y scab on my upper lip.

4. The Lysine, taken orally, causes SEVERE STOMACH ACHE
–feels like one’s intestines are being ripped out with
a dirty trowel–and can last for over an hour,
so debilitating nothing can be done but
get down on the floor and moan.

5. Victoria now lives in Australia,
presumably spreading the evil virus
throughout the Southern hemisphere.

6. 1 in 2 third world children will contract
the virus before they reach adulthood.

7. Herpes is permanent, with no known cure.
It comes from DEEP SPACE,
where, it is rumoured,
entire shadowy planets have
burst forth in volcanic holocaust.

8. Nathaniel Hawthorne, curiously,
makes no mention of the disease
in his masterpiece,
the Red Badge of Courage.


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